The Thinking Woman's Guide to Buttfucking
Please note: This piece contains sexually explicit material. If you are
under the legal age in your location for reading sexually explicit
writing, or if you are offended by sexually explicit writing, please stop
here and do not read any further. By continuing to read this piece, you
are confirming that you understand that this is adult material and that
you are of legal age to read it.
The Thinking Woman's Guide to Buttfucking
by Greta Christina
I remember the first time I ever got fucked in the ass. Vividly, even more clearly than losing my virginity. I was scared to death, I was sure it would hurt like hell and probably maim me for life. As a concept, it was buried in the "things you like to fantasize about but wouldn't really want to do" box. (That box has since been renamed "things you like to fantasize about and really want to do but for some reason are reluctant about trying.") Actually, being scared to death about it was probably the best way for me to be. Since I was so nervous, I insisted that we take plenty of time, take the whole afternoon if we needed it, and build up very, very gradually. One finger, very gently, lots of lube; then two fingers, very slowly, very gently, lots and lots of lube; then three fingers, very slowly, very gently, lots and lots and lots of lube; and then, oh my God, that's it, it's going in; no, wait, it's too soon, it's going to hurt, I know it's going to...oh, my GOD, does that feel good. Revelation.
I also remember the first time I told a gay male friend that I liked to take it up the ass. You know who gets really wigged out when they find out that some women like to get buttfucked? Gay men, that's who. The conversation went something like this:
"But why do you like it?"
"Well, it feels good. Doesn't it? You like it."
"Yes, but you don't have a prostate gland."
"So? Is that the only thing you like about it? Getting your prostate gland stimulated?"
"Well, no, but...but..." he gibbered incoherently.
You'd think they'd invented it. It's almost as if being a faggot was like joining a secret society, and buttfucking was the secret club handshake. God forbid women should like it too; it'd be like finding out the whole world belonged to your Elks' lodge.
In the interest of fairness, I'd like to stop for a moment and say two things. One is that not all gay men think that way. I know several who are absolutely delighted to have women in the Buttfuckers Guild. The other is this: the idea that women don't like anal sex is really pretty common. The prevailing attitude for lots of straight men seems to be that women would never let you fuck them in the ass of their own free will; you have to seduce, guilt-trip, sweet-talk, manipulate, or otherwise pressure them into it. Men aren't the only ones who perpetuate this dreck, either. I've heard several otherwise intelligent and sexually aware women (both queer and het) talk about buttfucking as something that gullible straight women put up with to please their men. And they say this with utter certainty, as if it were an obvious and inevitable fact of life and human nature. Yet another chapter in the interminable tale of What Nice Girls Don't Like To Do.
Of course all women aren't going to enjoy it; I wouldn't try to claim that they do. Just like some women have super-sensitive nipples that don't like being played with, some assholes may simply be too tight or too sensitive to enjoy being penetrated. (It doesn't mean you can't enjoy anal pleasure, by the way; try tonguing or gentle fingering up and down the crack and around the opening.) It's just that whenever I hear a phrase like "that's something women only do to please men," my Dworkinite Early Warning System goes off like a fire alarm. I start ranting like a harpy and screaming things like, "You can't tell me what to do! You can't tell me what I like and don't like to do in bed! You don't know anything about anything! You're a narrow-minded, repressed moron, you're probably frigid, and your mother dresses you funny!" and other equally relevant and coherent pearls of wisdom. I'll try not to do that here. I'll be good now, I promise. I'll be calm and rational and sensitive and just talk to you about buttfucking.
Now, be forewarned -- I'm not going to write this as an instruction manual. There's already plenty of good writing about the do's and dont's of taking it up the ass. I will repeat the basics: relax, talk to each other, use a ton of lube, don't use anything that could cut, scratch, or disappear past the sphincter, take it slow, stop if it hurts, and play very, very safe -- gloves, condoms, and dental dams are a must. But I don't want to spend my time telling you how. It's much more fun to talk about why.
So what makes it so much fun, anyway? For one thing, you get to be the bottom and still run the show. Since communication is such an important factor (trying to make your partner read your mind when they're buggering you is an even worse idea than usual), it's perfectly acceptable to give detailed instructions while you're lying there getting fucked. Perfect for control-bitch bottoms like me.
It's also incredibly relaxing. In order for it to work at all, you've got to let your butt muscles get seriously loose. In the process, the rest of you gets pretty loose as well. It's an odd sensation, relaxing into ecstacy rather than tensing into it. For me at least, sex tends to be fierce and tight, with lots of blinding white light and electricity, a bit like climbing a ladder of high tension wires. Getting buttfucked is a very different experience, more like a slow gentle dissolve into the cosmic abyss. It's a welcome variation.
What else? Well, you can feel everything. Your asshole is very sensitive; a lot more sensitive than your cunt in fact, and of course a lot tighter. Every move, every nuance, every twist and turn of the finger or dildo or cock goes right through your ass and into your brain. It doesn't take much to feel completely filled up, and it rarely leaves you feeling like you didn't get enough. Sounds a lot like fistfucking, you say? Well, right you are, give that lady a cigar. There are a lot of similarities. If you like getting fisted in your cunt, you're very likely to enjoy getting fucked in your ass.
Getting buttfucked also forces you to slow down, loosen up, and enjoy the moment. You can't be too goal-oriented about it--it simply doesn't work. You have to relax, mentally as well as physically, and you have to be willing to enjoy as much as you enjoy and not push yourself to take more than you can. If you approach getting assfucked like you're training for a marathon, you're going to wind up with an extremely sore asshole. For someone like me, an instant-gratification junkie who has to get there right now and wants to be at the next place as soon as she arrives, it's very valuable to get fucked in a way that forces me to stay in the moment. (See "buttfucking: similarities to fisting," preceding paragraph.)
I don't want to push the "joys of the forbidden" angle too much. It seems that half of what I read about buttfucking goes on for days about how dirty and sleazy and nasty and forbidden it all is. I personally find that angle a little tiresome, and more than a little simplistic. After all, it wouldn't have been forbidden if it weren't fun in the first place, right? You don't have to put a taboo on something that nobody wants to do anyway. I think it's a lot more interesting to talk about why assfucking would be fun even if it weren't taboo, and just skip this whole tired "forbidden fruit" stuff. I do have to admit, though, that there is an element of truth to it. If sex is supposed to be nasty, then something that's super-nasty must also be super-sexy, right? Ah, the twisted logic that lust takes in its bid to undermine repression.
Personally, I'm not crazy about getting fucked in the ass as part of an S/M scene. When I do S/M (as a bottom, anyway), I usually get pretty wired and wound-up; which is fun, but not particularly conducive to a pleasant and successful buttfucking session. But to each pervert her own. A lot of women feel that being fucked in the ass is inherently (and delightfully) humiliating. The connection with shit and dirtiness and body control can bring on a bad-little-girl regression in a very special way. And since your asshole puts up a lot more resistance to being penetrated than your cunt, the feeling of being taken, opened up, invaded and ravaged and violated, can be particularly intense. If you're able to stay loose enough while you're bottoming to take it up the ass, then by all means, go for the gusto. You might enjoy playing with a buttplug--a short, diamond-shaped dildo-like thing with a flared base, it goes in your asshole and stays there 'til you pull it out--if you want to get buttfucked as part of a scene. (Actually, you might enjoy playing with buttplugs whether you're doing S/M or not; they're great little toys.) Try having the buttplug put in before you start the scene, while you're still relaxed; that way, no matter how wound-up you get, your asshole will pretty much stay open and accessible for whatever fun and games your top may come up with later.
So far I've only talked about the joys of buttfucking from the recipient's perspective. I realize that that's a little unbalanced. It's not as if I haven't enjoyed the other side of the equation; in fact, the first person I ever fistfucked was a bisexual man who loved to take it up the ass even more than I did. Many of the pleasures of buttfucking that I've been describing--relaxation, extreme sensitivity, surrender, nastiness, attentiveness to the here and now--can be as much fun from the top as they are from the bottom. Fucking someone in their ass can be a real treat, especially if you have a fetish for beautiful butts. It's sort of the ultimate in doing it doggie-style.
So why have I been so preoccupied with taking it up the ass rather than dishing it out? Well, for one thing, I wanted to explode the myth that women don't like getting buttfucked; and being the exhibitionist that I am, I wanted to accomplish this by blathering on about how much I do like it and why. There isn't really a corresponding stereotype about women who like to buttfuck other people, so I don't feel the same pressure to explore the subject. In fact, the image of a woman assfucking her lover is something of a sexual blind spot in our culture; not forbidden exactly, just inconceivable. Fucking someone in the ass is typically seen as a dick thing, straight men's fantasy and gay men's territory and nothing to do with women at all. Since there's no particular misguided image about women who fuck other people in the ass, there's nothing for me to get on my high horse about.
But there's another reason why I've emphasized getting it rather than giving it, and that's that getting it is where I have more experience and tend to find more pleasure. I try to write about what I know best and have a personal interest in. And, in case you haven't noticed by now, I have a very strong personal interest in being fucked in the ass. One of the first things I ask a new lover is whether they'd like to buttfuck me; if they even hint that the answer might be yes, I'll be on my hands on knees in a second, legs spread, face in the pillow, ass in the air and ready for love. I even do it to myself, and I have the videotape to prove it ("Clips" by Fatale Video, featuring the computer-digitized image of yours truly joyfully buggering herself with a Jupiter IV dildo, now playing at a VCR near you). It's one of my favorite, best-in-the-world ways of having sex. It's fab. Four stars. Siskel and Ebert say two thumbs up.
Copyright 1992 Greta Christina. Originally published in Taste Of Latex magazine.